Starting

So I realized that I live on Earth. A place meant to teach me about the reality of chaos. Now this will be my open diary of events, stories, people, and thoughts just because it is here. No apologies, no reasons, no anticipations, no order, no no. It is a space for me and if I only write to the Universe at least the Universe will respond. Or that is what I believe.


 

HUSSY

Two Women’s Moral Character Is Tested in New Book

C.L. Ellis tells story about citizens of Friendly, La. in ‘Hussy’

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“It is a color-blind examination of why people have certain feelings and lifestyles that are often judged immoral.”

BATON ROUGE, La. (PRWEB) October 31, 2012

“I have many poems and short stories that have been channeled to me by my creative muse,” author C.L. Ellis says, speaking about her inspiration for penning her new book. “Each offers its own unique form of entertainment, however this story and its characters were dying to get out and share their experiences.” She adds that as she was thinking about the difficulties that life brings, and why so many people were not living this thing called a good life. All of a sudden a little voice said to her, “A good life as to compared to what a child? You think you are seeing unbearable circumstances, well honey child you would not have wanted to live during my time. You really had to know how to live in-between worlds during my time.” It was at that point Ellis began to write what Ms. Lula Mae Carson told her, words that she shares with readers in “Hussy” (published by iUniverse).
“Hussy” presents an entertaining view of how one woman saw her life. It addresses a number of core human themes such as race, religion, gender and sexuality. The lives of these people and why they were forced to live them is overshadowed by the intrigue behind their explanations for their actions. Lula Mae, Puddin, Big John, Sally White and others are all survivors living the best life afforded to them during their time. Ellis makes readers wonder if anything has really changed in today’s society.
Lula Mae Carson is the best cook and baker in all of Friendly, La., not to mention being a fine fisherman. There is no doubt she’s a woman who has earned the respect and love of her community.
With the arrival of Miss Puddin – which brings both blessings and curses – Lula is the only person qualified to handle this devil’s harlot, a professional lady of leisure who is willing to break all of the rules in order to survive. Puddin not only changes the life of the Friendly residents, but also tests Lula Mae’s moral character.
When Puddin is thrown out of town, Lula Mae invites her to live in her home. As Lula extends her generosity to Puddin, she finds herself being seduced by the money and men of power Puddin entertains. As time passes, not only does this unusual friendship deteriorate, it becomes toxic and eventually deadly. Lula finds herself caught in a maze of deceit and fornication; she is losing herself and she feels she has been charmed by a woman she believes to be the devil’s harlot.
“It is a color-blind examination of why people have certain feelings and lifestyles that are often judged immoral.”
About the Author
C.L. Ellis earned a bachelor’s degree in interdisciplinary studies from Grand Canyon University and is currently working a master’s degree in psychology. Ellis writes full-time and has two adult children. She lives in Louisiana.
iUniverse, an Author Solutions, Inc. self-publishing imprint, is the leading book marketing, editorial services, and supported self-publishing provider. iUniverse has a strategic alliance with Indigo Books & Music, Inc. in Canada, and titles accepted into the iUniverse Rising Star program are featured in a special collection on BarnesandNoble.com. iUniverse recognizes excellence in book publishing through the Star, Reader’s Choice, Rising Star and Editor’s Choice designations—self-publishing’s only such awards program. Headquartered in Bloomington, Indiana, iUniverse also operates offices in Indianapolis. For more information or to publish a book, please visit iuniverse.com or call 1-800-AUTHORS. For the latest, follow @iuniversebooks on Twitter.

I Still Believe

I still believe

Sometimes all you have is your belief. The trials of life can knock you down and all you see is a blurred world through tear stained eyes. This is the time when holding on is the last thing you want to do. Trying to take another breath or step is as hard as trying to climb the highest mountain on earth barefooted. You bow down on your knees in muck of human existence with pains of hurt, humiliation and loss sitting on your shoulders like vultures waiting to devour your soul. Nevertheless, you crawl out of the bowels of contention and fix your tear stained suffering eyes on that one cloud that looks like the eye of God is watching you or you see the innocent smile of a child and somehow you just know that something is waiting for you. You don’t know what it is or where it will come from you just know that it is there.

Not every day during this waiting period will be easy, not every day will be full of laughter and sometimes just the waiting alone will test your faith. You will stand before your belief and question its' intent, you will scream some days trying to understand why, your angel, hero, saint, warrior or deliverer does not just show up and remove all ills from your life. Then you realize that the waiting period was the time you needed to release, recall and reestablish the strength it takes to keep on walking towards your new destiny with no regrets from your past. You realize that if you do not start to live you are just a corpse going through the motion of life. You are in the valley of doubt, full of fear, weak but strong enough to hold on.

In the valley, you look up and reach for the hand of God, needing to feel his breath blow on you, needing to know that someone out there is watching over you and can see who you really are, because life is smothering you to death. Circumstances are drowning you and the powers that be have used every possible weapon they can to destroy you. In this valley experience it is hard to realize that God/Great Spirit has been holding your hand. The only option you have now is to keep looking up and reaching up with the anticipation that either chance or divine interception will pull you through. The valley is the place where you will either hold on or give up. As you are walking through the valley your feet start to hurt, your hands begin to swell with pain and your mind well it can no longer think on its' own. Once again you start to question God. You get a little weary because you cannot hear His voice but just as you start to stand on those blood stained feet that produce pain with every step you take, you look up and see an eagle diving into the mist of that valley and that is when you realize you are on the side of a mountain headed for the top.

Just as you start your journey on the mountainside, you look up and there is a river roaring that you have to cross it is dangerous and unyielding. Her name is heartache and she is there to keep you trapped in the misery of your past. She does not want you to understand that each level you come to you will present a challenge. Once again, you look up through those delusional tear stained eyes and hang your head to the earth, hoping an outstretched hand or angel will come to carry you over, but instead you see a little boat so small you can hardly fit in it. As you are deciding whether to take that boat and cross your decision is made for you because on the banks of life behind you, the lions are gathering and they are hungry for your blood. Therefore you cannot turn around, because if you do you are done. Nevertheless, you step into that boat hoping it will carry you safely to the other side. But instead the winds start to blow and water becomes unsettled and there you are on an angry river with one paddle and hope, realizing that if you do not fight the waves and currants will consume you and take your life. Just when you are about to give up and accept your death a wave strong and fierce slams your boat ashore. Sitting on the bank hungry and tired you look up and say, “ I don’t care what you do to me, all I have is my FAITH and I am keeping that, so if you take me you will take me still believing”. Then you notice not only were you safe on the shore but the fierce waves and winds had filled your boat full of fish so you can have a meal. Thankful but afraid you break down, because crying released your shame, screaming released your inner pain and questioning demanded an answer. Confessing your misery while holding on to hope, you swear that if nothing does not change you will quite and become what your enemies have described you as being, just like them. Realizing the tantrums and threats only mattered you, you try to plea bargain with God to no avail. Still no words, or voice or sign that you can see has shown up to help you. Now you realize that you are in the wilderness smelling like food and wild animals waiting to pounce upon you as soon as darkness comes. Again, you take time to wonder why you believe at all and what good has your faith done for you. All of a sudden you raise your head and there he stands a man you have no reason to trust, gruffy looking, fierce in his appearance and you know your life is over. However, he smiles and careful approaches you with kindness, he offers you a warm wrap and water. He leads you back down the mountain to little cabin and offer you shelter. He listens to your story and his silence only lets you know he is paying attention to you. Just as he leaves to go on his way, you ask what is your name kind sir and he responds “Belief”.

Chrystal Ellis

© Copyright 2012 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

This is not Normal but it is Practical

This is not Normal but it is Practical

If you ask me what is normal I will say, “I do not know”.  I do not have an answer for normal. Survival does not allow for one connected pattern of normality to exist. Each one of us tries to survive our situations and circumstances the best way we can. Some of us pray, meditate, exercise, scream, go within and some of us are waiting for someone to come along and give us that special word or method that will create a balance in our life that ties us into the normal way of living. The truth is we only have opinions, references and ideas from other people who were searching for the same thing. Is it normal to be in a relationship with one person for the rest of our lives? Is it? Are we setting ourselves up for failure, heartache and moral destruction by forcing something that is against our nature? Is it fair to force all people to live the life that some people feel is normal? How much of what you want and what you need is relevant to a normal life. If I describe my normal and you describe your normal, will they match?

What happens when you wake up in the morning and all you want to do is cry or scream or go out and curse the  world for being in existence. Is that normal? On the other hand, is it normal to wake up and feel that way but hold it in, put on a smile and pretend to each person you meet that life is beautiful and all is well. While you walk around like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode but knowing, you cannot.  Thereby making your heart rate faster, your blood pressure go up and you ability to concentrate blown to hell. Is it normal to wake up full of love and peace and joy delusional about the world around you. Ready to share your love with all you meet without charging them a fee?  Is that normal in system that requires profit and wealth as a mandate for success. Should you give such valuable prizes away? Alternatively, should you charge people for encouraging them and sharing good news?

Why do some people tell you constantly it is wrong to cry? If something hurts you, why should you hold back your tears?  When you look into the mirror and see the house your soul is embodied in keeping you earthbound, what is wrong with admitting you do not like what you see? What is wrong with saying that you hate how your life has turned out? What is wrong with admitting you are not a part of this so-called norm? What is wrong with admitting that in order to change your circumstance the will of an Unseen Creator will not help you but your will to live will?  Why can’t you admit that you are not like others and neither do you want to be?  What is wrong with saying you are pissed off at corrupt system that dictates your value? What is wrong with admitting that you would like this unseen God to show up every now and then and speak to you in a language you can understand? What is wrong with wanting this energy to show you that It is keeping its promise to you?  What is wrong with admitting you feel you believe in something that keeps you holding on for help, but shows ups when It wants to, or does not show up at all? Most of us do not have a clue as to what normal really is we follow others who because of their wealth, their self-appointed righteousness and social hierarchy have created rules to keep even our most intimate behaviors controlled by their need for power.

For every rule, commandment or law that is created for us to follow the creators of them have manipulated loops holes that give them the right not to adhere to any of them.  How many of us are really considered normal? What if you believe that marriage is just a contract between two parties to established ownership of human consciousness. Yes, consciousness, because once in this institute both parties are considered to be one.  This is not possible nor is it probable, unless both parties agree to allow one another to be exactly who they were from the moment they met. We all know that is not true, you must change and you will change or you will not in most cases stay married.
 
Why must human attraction be defined as normal as long as opposites are involved. Is it not true that those who are similar tend to cooperate better and stay together longer?  Why does a full  figured person feel they are not as in control as one who is full of muscles and toned?  Why can a person who feels like shit just say I feel like shit, without being looked upon as a killjoy?  What makes one race of people so empowered that they openly mistreat others, while still claiming to be God’s advocates for righteousness?  Is it normal to believe that because something more than a man saw something in you, your life was spared?  Is it normal to believe that one-day heaven will open up and all your worries will be gone? Is it normal to know that when you leave this experience another one is waiting for you? Is the belief in blessings and cursing normal?  Could it be possible that the trials of human existence are no more advanced than the trials of animals in the wild? If you look at the two, can you really find a difference?

Could this be one of those mornings when you wake up to, a reality you never would have created for yourself, but you must live it regardless. It is one of those mornings when writing through tear stained eyes is the only way you maintain your sanity. It is one of those days that if you did not have to face it you would not face it. It is one of those moments in the life of human searching for the reality of their existence in a place where illusion is all that matters.  It is one of those mornings that make you say if God or Great Spirit or the manifestation the Om is at work you need it to work now for you. Not at some later date, or time based on supernatural time warps in the cosmos of reality. You need help now and you want it now. You want that fairy tale to happen, the one that people have preached to you about.  The walk on the water miracle that you believe, the raise the dead miracle that you have been told about, the ever-present creation miracle of the Om.  However, is this normal to hope for? If it is not then what about anything in life is really normal?

If it is not normal to question these rules, how normal is it for us not to adhere to them.  It is possible that normality is as relative as life itself?  Can a person without degrees and accolades from the world of academia have anything relative to add to human consciousness?  If we watch the normal behavior of animals is human behavior truly normal? If you believe in a manifested intelligence that created us all, is that normal? If you believe the Universe just threw up one day, is that normal? If you do not believe in anything is that normal? Is it right to ponder on what is normal, l a normal thought pattern?
My truth is this; I do not believe there is a true definition for normal. Simply because I self reflect all the time.

© Copyright 2012 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

Do You Need Time

Satirical dialogue: God speaking to man about the pending Day of Judgment.

God: What did you say it is time to pray, you say you need a stay.

God: What do you mean you did not know I sent you signs repeatedly. I gave you a chance each morning you woke up.

God: But you ignored me and forgot my decree, I feel I have no more extensions to offer thee. It is judgment day no stay, no pray, it is judgment day.

God: I told you I would come as a thief in the night; you were so bold you did not even show freight.
You laughed at me and told me you been telling us that for almost 3000 years.

God: Ya told me you were from the show me state, gave me the finger and went on your way. Aww my people it is Judgment day.

God: You reminded me how the Israelites worshiped a cow then you told me that you worshiped the Dow. Said while you were here you were going to live your life your way. Told me that no human in his or her right mind would believe in a Judgment Day.

God: I know why you feel this way, I been watching religious leaders since the beginning of time and I understand why you feel like you do, but I also told you to listen to your inner man.

God: I am not much on physical appearance all my creature are unique and wonderful. I have been sending messages, from oracles and sages for centuries and as you progress, you simply ignored the hell out of me. Oh and by the way, none of them was rich and wealthy, but they were all spiritually healthy.

God: I heard you say I will do what I want to do. Listen God I am not afraid of you, hey are not you a God of forgiveness too.

Self-righteous believer: My preacher said you must forgive me for whatever I do.
Now that is what I hear them preach about you. I don’t guess you are a lair too.

Self-righteous believer: In this world I rome, earth not heaven is my home, when I am dead I am gone. You think I care about some thief in the night. What is that some kind of eternal freight. Good night.

Gods answer: I was listening to every word you said Me and the rest of the God Head, Gabriel blew his cool, Raphael sharpen his tool, Rashawn turned his head, and Michael said you were already dead. It takes a real fool to try to match wits with the God Head. You really think I don’t exist. You really think I will never come, you really are laughing at me, calling my Son a lair and me a bum.
You really think I listen to purchased church criers. Teaching you lies, fables, metaphors and allegories made up from men’s greed and lust for power. They all do the opposite from what I AM. Taking instead of giving, using instead of being used, lying instead of telling the truth. I listed most of them in the Revelation. But yall all figured that John’s vision was a hallucination.
You been had by your vanity. Chest stuck out, walking around in your self-righteous gown, turning your nose up at the disadvantaged, and judging those you know nothing about. Getting up on Sunday listening to the Choir stomping out the Holy Spirit, emotionally gyrating to their sounds. My child you let Satan buy ya. Na you get to burn in eternal fire.

God: Oh are you talking to me does that mean you believe in me. Are you attempting to pray? No dog it is judgment day. You really don’t have time to pray and there be NO STAY. See I just let you have it your way. You mocked me, lied on me, used me, abused me, said you killed me, then you destroyed my integrity, tried to manipulate my holy spirit, took advantage of my poor children searching for spiritual connection and then you labeled me a bigot too. Well I got a surprise you.
Today is Judgment Day.
DO YOU NEED TIME

© Copyright 2012 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

No More Resolutions

Chrystal Ellis
NO MORE RESOLUTIONS
Category: Writing and Poetry
I have decided no more resolutions. I know what I need to do for my life, I know what it will take for me to be happy, to be healthy, to be financially stable so I will not make resolutions. I will just resolve the issues that hinder me from obtaining those things I need and deserve. NO MORE RESOLUTIONS, No more deliberate attempts to pacify unresolved situations that I can either take control over or ignore. I seek to transform my world into a positive existence that will benefit myself and all those who I have the pleasure of knowing. No more Resolutions, No more Broken Promises To Myself, No More Hindering Fears, No more attempts to fit into someone else’s opinion of normal, No More compromised beliefs. NO MORE RESOLUTIONS, NO MORE ADDED REASONS TO FAIL. I simply will accept this journey as it comes and take each experience as an opportunity to gain wisdom and if I acquire some understanding, and walk according to the precepts of Love, I have no reason to make New Year’s Resolutions. In the consciousness of Life, we resolve issues everyday whether they are positive or negative. I will fix my mind on the essence of life and life eternal and each time I, error I will immediately look to heaven and reach for the hand of God, for who has saved me, love me and restored me but God.

© Copyright 2012 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.

If You LOVE ME

IF YOU LOVE ME

If you love me, you will sacrifice and give me what I want no matter how uncomfortable it may be for you.

I do love you so I will not put you in competition with how much I love myself.

If you love me when I cry, you will do whatever it takes to make me stop.

I do love you so I will let you have my shoulder to cry on and realize sometimes we all need a good cry.

If you love me, you will wake up before dawn to see to it I have a warm cup of coffee to see me off.

I do love you so I will set the coffee pot to automatic so it will be ready before you leave. Then I will thank God that I get to sleep and wake up refreshed.

If you love me, you will change.

I do love you so I will be myself and allow you the opportunity to see that diversity is beautiful.

If you love me, you will pick up the phone every time I call.
.
I do love you so your messages will always be priority and I will call you back when I have a chance to give you the attention you need.

If you love me, you will not go out with your friends.

I do love you so I will continue going out with my friends, so that I will immensely enjoy our time together. (We all need a break).
I you love me you will not wear that.

I do love you so I will listen to why you feel what I am wearing is inappropriate. Then I will respect you have the right to disagree and I have the right to disagree.

If you love me, you will chauffeur me everywhere I have to go, no matter how inconvenient it may be for you.

I do love you so we will make sure you always have safe transportation.

I you love me every time I throw a tantrum when things are not going my way you will give in.
I do love you so I will let you throw your tantrum. Then I will communicate with you how they negatively affect my health, creatively and emotions. However, I can assure you I will not give in. That is emotional terrorism.

If you love me, you will not question why my attitude has changed. I do love you so I will leave you alone until you wish to communicate with me.

If you love me, you will like everybody I like.
I do love you so I will always respect that you may have different taste in people than I do.
If you love me, you will never tell me I am wrong.

I do love you so I will tell you that your action is wrong for me and it is something that I might not would have done.

If you love me, you will not take offense when I use vulgar slangs to express myself.

I do love you so I will not take part in conversations when you are feeling vulgar.
If you love me you will be willing to fight each time, I tell you someone has offended me.
I do love you so I will maintain my cool, because hurting others and being arrested will only make matters worse.

If you love me, you will agree to everything I say.

I do love you so I will let YOU agree with everything you say.

If you love me, you will let me lead you in the direction I want us to go in.

I do love you so I will compromise about the direction so we end up on the same path.

If you love me, you will read my mind and know why I am feeling a certain way.

I do love you so I will not try to read you mind because I might read something wrong.

If you love me, you will start to think, respond, and live, as I would like for you to.

I do love you so I will choose to look in the mirror and see my reflection rather than some else I do not know or like.

I will always take. I will always give.

I will always be first.I will always walk by your side.

I will always be right. I will always hear both sides.

I will always throw a tantrum when I cannot have my way.I will always try to understand that you are simply an emotional terrorist and eventually decide whether I will continue to be terrorized.

I will always, have to be noticed. I will always notice you.

I will always have my own life. I will always make room for you in my life.

I will always buy myself the best. I will always want you to have the best.

I will always judge how much you love me by how much I can control you. I will allow your actions to determine whether we will be together for a lifetime.

I love you so that is why I am writing this to you, so that you will understand that I may not leave you because I do not love you. I may leave you because you do not love ME.

Chrystal Ellis 12/16/2011

© Copyright 2011 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.