When Love gets a Headache
Most of us live our lives looking for love, being in love or traumatized from a broken love affair. I am not sure that we stop to consider why we are so hell bent on being in love. Being in love is not practical; it does not make the least bit of sense. We place too much emphasis on this emotion that inevitably leads to over exaggerated emotional bouts of power. Because in truth love is power and the person that seems to be totally in love with their partner is the one who is the weakest. Why I say that, is because when you are so wrapped up in a person that you can’t sleep without them, you smell when they are not around, or you simply reorganize your life to accommodate their needs it gives them the power to hurt you. Yes, it gives them ability to rule your emotional and physical well being, all for the sake of an emotional myth that commands as much power as the creator of the Universe.
Most of us are aware that the brain is responsible for producing those intense emotional speed traps that stop us dead in our tracks when we Fall in love. Notice we fall in love, I have never felt good after a hard fall, and neither does anyone else for that matter. Could it be that the brain is directing us based on what we find attractive. Who knows? Most of us never stop to think it is just dorsolateral middle frontal gyrus and the anterior cingulate, as well chemicals like nerve growth factor, dopamine and oxytocin, that is causing this intense feeling of Love. (They are the same ones that give the cocaine addict his feeling of euphoria while using the drug). So being in love is like being on drugs. It is the craving to be with that person and the need to be intimate that drives us madly into a frenzy of passion that will not last forever. We don’t care though we want it, we need it and society tells us in order to be whole we must have it. We have been pushing this drug called love for a long time. No one wants to admit the truth, it starts innocently enough, we spot em, we get em and then that strong relentless quest to please the person of interest just overwhelms us. Eventually we all realize that that first hit of love will not have the same intensity as it did when we first hit it. That is the downfall of most of our relationships we all want that first hit each time we are with our partner. (Not reality). I think it is just the dopamine that is playing tricks on us, just like cocaine does, builds us up for the first thrill and then keeps us craving that feeling over and over again, knowing we will not get it. I would love to say it is just sex drive promoting these emotions, but that would be very unfair. Having a sex drive does not equate to the euphoric feelings of being in love. Neither does it make you give up your identity to please the other person; sex drives strictly want to be taken care of, whether by a loved one or a paid professional. Thank god, for some of those paid professionals because without them many people would have to do without sex if they had to get it base on being in love.
Back to that power thing, whoever is loved the most has the most power and that is where the trouble begins. At some point, we all stop and wonder why we feel this way. Is it because of attraction, or loneliness, that we all fall head over heels in love at some point in our life? I believe you can see someone for the first time and fall deeply in love and I believe that people who do it are truly earnest when it all first begins. Nevertheless, I also know that no matter who you are there will be at some time or another that you will run across those same feelings, only for someone else and that is when the hurt comes. No one wants to admit that their partner has abandoned their love, because it hurts damit. It makes you feel as if you are not worthy in some way. Most of us will go over all the things we think we did to cause us to be left in the emergency room of life, because all of a sudden Love gets a damn headache.
What happens next is, the phone calls slow up, the dates become less frequent; there is a strain on conversation hell the attention level just disappears. If you are married, you will notice that you will get accustomed to being home alone, because the job requires it, you know overtime and unexpected business trips. Not saying that your love interest is deliberately trying to hurt you, they just have found someone else who stimulate those dopamines. Occasionally they will want you to change your appearance so that you resemble their new person of interest; this rarely works, because you are not them. So buckle up you are headed down the bumpy roads called break up or conformity. I say conformity because many of us would rather conform to a lifestyle accepting our lovers’ affairs rather than be without them. Don’t be ashamed of it, it is a survival method. We do not realize at the time that we have been given freedom, or should I say we do not want to accept that freedom because it is not with the one we chose to love. Therefore, we hold on for dear life.
No matter what we do, we cannot seem to escape the reality that love is an addiction and because of it many people lose their lives, giving up careers, being molded into stepford wives and husbands so that our love interest will experience happiness. So should we have to change to sooth the needs of our love interest? Do we overlook it when the calls slack up or he/she does not come home, do we continue to make excuses to our family as to why our mate is not around for the holidays, or do we just sit back with our holy books and scriptures hoping that the God of the Universe who made this person will change them just for us.
Is there such a thing as true love? Look at yourself are you facing the truth or or you looking at an image of what someone else wants. Are you meeting your own needs; or are you so in love you have forgotten what they might be. Now take a few months and look at the person you love, document what you see. Are they engaging, do they promote your growth, are you asking them to change anything to make you more attracted to them, in essence are they acting like they truly love you. Remember Love is an action word, it shows off. Like its goddess Venus, it seems beautiful enough but if you land on the planet, the toxic gases will kill ya. It is the simple things, like a late night walk for no reason, or a sweet note, or a bowl of luscious fruit floating in champagne or sparkling wine as a late night snack that might enhance love. We all realize that many of those big elaborate gifts that replace compassion, time and availability are simply done because now you have become an emotional liability.
Most of the time we experience sexual attraction, instead of love that allows us to enjoy one another from orgasm to orgasm. Nevertheless, after we meet someone else we are attracted to, it becomes a long drawn out ordeal of the breakup. The lies, the accusations, the deliberate arguments to get you to your next love interest or should I say your next sexual exploration. We all have been left scratching our head wondering why our mate picked an argument about something as simple as a TV program, or a family member, or the remote control. It is because those dopamine’s' are driving them insane. They are sitting with you craving someone else. You are actually making them sick. You can buy the Victoria Secrets, the boxers, pump iron, lose 50 pounds, get a boob job, add some hair, change your eye color all to no avail; you are both hooked on the emotional cocaine called Love. You of course are powerless and frail and your partner is strung out on someone else. (Booyaah, reality check, think about how you feel about them, and then realize they are feeling that exact same way about someone else). The sad part is that after you have made every change possible you will come to the realization that you have given another human being just as flawed as you, the power to control your emotional well-being.
Now comes the hard part, realizing that you need heart surgery of the most delicate kind. No laser, to scalpel, no doctor, you will have to endure it with no anesthetic, while hoping that your mate will all of a sudden come to their senses and realize they LOVE you as much as you Love THEM. As my dad use to say wish in one hand and shit in the other see which one will fill up the fastest. Is it love you are searching for or compassion. Which one would you prefer? I myself will take compassion every time it will last longer and cause less pain. However, being a hopeless romantic myself, I am doomed, because I am waiting for Love to call without conditions. (The phone ain’t ringing). Which one would you chose really? Which one? The intense euphoria produced by the dopamines' of Love or the compassion of some one who understands and respect you. I know I said compassion but that tingle that penetrates the your soul and the electrifying touch that is felt upon connection with a love interest is so damn good. Yes, it is good. But when it is gone it is gone. That is when you bring in the toys and movies that simply stimulate the libido. Now you have bought someone else in the bedroom with you so who are you really engaged with them or your mate. Either way that in it self, is saying something for this drug called love. If it is just about an orgasm you can effectively have those as often as you like without having to worry about disease. But if it is the feeling of love you need to have those orgasms you just might have to admit that you will have to go it alone. The orgasm is the same in love or in lust. Don't feel as if you have failed because someone fell out of love with you, fall in love with yourself. The results will positively be in your favor. I love me some me. (Now).
A=πr^2 “You got me going in circles” August 16, 2011 Chrystal Ellis 11:24 am
Most of us live our lives looking for love, being in love or traumatized from a broken love affair. I am not sure that we stop to consider why we are so hell bent on being in love. Being in love is not practical; it does not make the least bit of sense. We place too much emphasis on this emotion that inevitably leads to over exaggerated emotional bouts of power. Because in truth love is power and the person that seems to be totally in love with their partner is the one who is the weakest. Why I say that, is because when you are so wrapped up in a person that you can’t sleep without them, you smell when they are not around, or you simply reorganize your life to accommodate their needs it gives them the power to hurt you. Yes, it gives them ability to rule your emotional and physical well being, all for the sake of an emotional myth that commands as much power as the creator of the Universe.
Most of us are aware that the brain is responsible for producing those intense emotional speed traps that stop us dead in our tracks when we Fall in love. Notice we fall in love, I have never felt good after a hard fall, and neither does anyone else for that matter. Could it be that the brain is directing us based on what we find attractive. Who knows? Most of us never stop to think it is just dorsolateral middle frontal gyrus and the anterior cingulate, as well chemicals like nerve growth factor, dopamine and oxytocin, that is causing this intense feeling of Love. (They are the same ones that give the cocaine addict his feeling of euphoria while using the drug). So being in love is like being on drugs. It is the craving to be with that person and the need to be intimate that drives us madly into a frenzy of passion that will not last forever. We don’t care though we want it, we need it and society tells us in order to be whole we must have it. We have been pushing this drug called love for a long time. No one wants to admit the truth, it starts innocently enough, we spot em, we get em and then that strong relentless quest to please the person of interest just overwhelms us. Eventually we all realize that that first hit of love will not have the same intensity as it did when we first hit it. That is the downfall of most of our relationships we all want that first hit each time we are with our partner. (Not reality). I think it is just the dopamine that is playing tricks on us, just like cocaine does, builds us up for the first thrill and then keeps us craving that feeling over and over again, knowing we will not get it. I would love to say it is just sex drive promoting these emotions, but that would be very unfair. Having a sex drive does not equate to the euphoric feelings of being in love. Neither does it make you give up your identity to please the other person; sex drives strictly want to be taken care of, whether by a loved one or a paid professional. Thank god, for some of those paid professionals because without them many people would have to do without sex if they had to get it base on being in love.
Back to that power thing, whoever is loved the most has the most power and that is where the trouble begins. At some point, we all stop and wonder why we feel this way. Is it because of attraction, or loneliness, that we all fall head over heels in love at some point in our life? I believe you can see someone for the first time and fall deeply in love and I believe that people who do it are truly earnest when it all first begins. Nevertheless, I also know that no matter who you are there will be at some time or another that you will run across those same feelings, only for someone else and that is when the hurt comes. No one wants to admit that their partner has abandoned their love, because it hurts damit. It makes you feel as if you are not worthy in some way. Most of us will go over all the things we think we did to cause us to be left in the emergency room of life, because all of a sudden Love gets a damn headache.
What happens next is, the phone calls slow up, the dates become less frequent; there is a strain on conversation hell the attention level just disappears. If you are married, you will notice that you will get accustomed to being home alone, because the job requires it, you know overtime and unexpected business trips. Not saying that your love interest is deliberately trying to hurt you, they just have found someone else who stimulate those dopamines. Occasionally they will want you to change your appearance so that you resemble their new person of interest; this rarely works, because you are not them. So buckle up you are headed down the bumpy roads called break up or conformity. I say conformity because many of us would rather conform to a lifestyle accepting our lovers’ affairs rather than be without them. Don’t be ashamed of it, it is a survival method. We do not realize at the time that we have been given freedom, or should I say we do not want to accept that freedom because it is not with the one we chose to love. Therefore, we hold on for dear life.
No matter what we do, we cannot seem to escape the reality that love is an addiction and because of it many people lose their lives, giving up careers, being molded into stepford wives and husbands so that our love interest will experience happiness. So should we have to change to sooth the needs of our love interest? Do we overlook it when the calls slack up or he/she does not come home, do we continue to make excuses to our family as to why our mate is not around for the holidays, or do we just sit back with our holy books and scriptures hoping that the God of the Universe who made this person will change them just for us.
Is there such a thing as true love? Look at yourself are you facing the truth or or you looking at an image of what someone else wants. Are you meeting your own needs; or are you so in love you have forgotten what they might be. Now take a few months and look at the person you love, document what you see. Are they engaging, do they promote your growth, are you asking them to change anything to make you more attracted to them, in essence are they acting like they truly love you. Remember Love is an action word, it shows off. Like its goddess Venus, it seems beautiful enough but if you land on the planet, the toxic gases will kill ya. It is the simple things, like a late night walk for no reason, or a sweet note, or a bowl of luscious fruit floating in champagne or sparkling wine as a late night snack that might enhance love. We all realize that many of those big elaborate gifts that replace compassion, time and availability are simply done because now you have become an emotional liability.
Most of the time we experience sexual attraction, instead of love that allows us to enjoy one another from orgasm to orgasm. Nevertheless, after we meet someone else we are attracted to, it becomes a long drawn out ordeal of the breakup. The lies, the accusations, the deliberate arguments to get you to your next love interest or should I say your next sexual exploration. We all have been left scratching our head wondering why our mate picked an argument about something as simple as a TV program, or a family member, or the remote control. It is because those dopamine’s' are driving them insane. They are sitting with you craving someone else. You are actually making them sick. You can buy the Victoria Secrets, the boxers, pump iron, lose 50 pounds, get a boob job, add some hair, change your eye color all to no avail; you are both hooked on the emotional cocaine called Love. You of course are powerless and frail and your partner is strung out on someone else. (Booyaah, reality check, think about how you feel about them, and then realize they are feeling that exact same way about someone else). The sad part is that after you have made every change possible you will come to the realization that you have given another human being just as flawed as you, the power to control your emotional well-being.
Now comes the hard part, realizing that you need heart surgery of the most delicate kind. No laser, to scalpel, no doctor, you will have to endure it with no anesthetic, while hoping that your mate will all of a sudden come to their senses and realize they LOVE you as much as you Love THEM. As my dad use to say wish in one hand and shit in the other see which one will fill up the fastest. Is it love you are searching for or compassion. Which one would you prefer? I myself will take compassion every time it will last longer and cause less pain. However, being a hopeless romantic myself, I am doomed, because I am waiting for Love to call without conditions. (The phone ain’t ringing). Which one would you chose really? Which one? The intense euphoria produced by the dopamines' of Love or the compassion of some one who understands and respect you. I know I said compassion but that tingle that penetrates the your soul and the electrifying touch that is felt upon connection with a love interest is so damn good. Yes, it is good. But when it is gone it is gone. That is when you bring in the toys and movies that simply stimulate the libido. Now you have bought someone else in the bedroom with you so who are you really engaged with them or your mate. Either way that in it self, is saying something for this drug called love. If it is just about an orgasm you can effectively have those as often as you like without having to worry about disease. But if it is the feeling of love you need to have those orgasms you just might have to admit that you will have to go it alone. The orgasm is the same in love or in lust. Don't feel as if you have failed because someone fell out of love with you, fall in love with yourself. The results will positively be in your favor. I love me some me. (Now).
A=πr^2 “You got me going in circles” August 16, 2011 Chrystal Ellis 11:24 am
© Copyright 2011 Redeemer (UN: hussy500 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
Redeemer has granted Writing.Com, its affiliates and syndicates non-exclusive rights to display this work.
| --->> Now What? |
No comments:
Post a Comment